Black is the New White Read online

  FRANCIS Okay, this is humiliating.

  CHARLOTTE My fiancé!

  ROSE Char … Really? It’s only been three months.

  CHARLOTTE This is what I tried to tell you earlier. In private.

  ROSE Have you really thought about this?

  FRANCIS Of course we have thought about it.

  ROSE But / really—

  JOAN / You’re engaged!

  SONNY Cheers to the happy couple!

  They cheer.

  MARIE / Joan, do mothers-in-law become sisters? Maybe some kind of Aboriginal way?

  JOAN Well, actually, in my people’s culture the kinship / system—

  RAY / Anyone want to watch my speech?

  ROSE Dad, we’ve already watched it. On TV. On YouTube. On my phone on YouTube. On the podcast. On the app.

  SONNY It was really inspiring.

  RAY Over a million views on YouTube.

  JOAN They were mostly your father.

  DENNISON You know, you can pay Indians $5 to give you a million likes on anything this day and age. Tony did it. Backfired, though.

  RAY You know what they’re calling me?

  JOAN Not this again, Ray. Celebratory drinks, anyone?

  JOAN pours herself a drink.

  RAY Martin Luther King. That is what they’re calling me.

  DENNISON For God’s sake.

  RAY What?

  DENNISON You’re really comparing yourself to Doctor King?

  MARIE I might refresh my … refreshment.

  RAY I’m not calling myself that, the people are.

  DENNISON You just believe whatever people tell you?

  RAY If enough people agree. That’s democracy.

  DENNISON No, that’s just the internet.

  RAY Not just the internet when you’re getting torn to shreds about lettuce. Shit, I should have tweeted that instead.

  DENNISON You had people calling me Hitler.

  RAY Your comments about rocket being better than iceberg were fascist and racist.

  DENNISON A Nazi!

  RAY If the shoe fits.

  DENNISON You have got to be kidding me.

  RAY Here we go again. Australia’s least formidable political opponent. Is there ever a time in your life where you haven’t compensated for doing nothing by attacking someone?

  DENNISON You gave a speech.

  RAY It was a commentary!

  DENNISON Dr Martin Luther King got shot.

  RAY Yeah, and?

  DENNISON Well, maybe if you keep making the comparison …

  RAY Excuse me?

  DENNISON You might actually have to commit to your values wholeheartedly for once in your life.

  SONNY Music! Music. Let’s put on some music.

  FRANCIS I have a new composition I can play.

  CHARLOTTE Yes, it’s brilliant! Francis, get your cello. He is so good!

  RAY I’m going to do what I should have done all those years in parliament and those White bastards stopped me. I’m gonna punch— /

  DENNISON / Oh, yeah, Ray. Those White bastards really did you in. You haven’t benefited at all.

  RAY At least I’ve worked for what I’ve got.

  DENNISON Debatable.

  SONNY How about dancing?

  CHARLOTTE Yes! Dancing!

  SONNY puts on a 70s disco tune, like “He’s the Greatest Dancer”, “It’s Raining Men”, “Kung Fu Fighting” or “Disco Inferno”. Everyone starts dancing, trying to distract RAY and DENNISON

  from each other. The men continue to fight as they get pulled into dancing.

  DENNISON You were only successful because of two things: you were Black and you had hair!

  RAY What did my hair have to do with anything?!

  DENNISON It has everything to do with it! Ray, the Aboriginal man with the good hair couldn’t take a step wrong. Never mind you were fiscally irresponsible and relied on buzzwords!

  RAY You had no buzzwords! I was the Aboriginal leader this country needed.

  DENNISON You were token!

  RAY Ha! That’s what you Libs love to say.

  DENNISON It was all hair and buzzwords! The entire 90s!

  RAY You crazy old kook.

  DENNISON Calling me an old kook? I’m not the old man on Twitter trying to be relevant again.

  RAY You’re on Twitter, too!

  DENNISON I’m not the one thinking they’re the second coming of the civil rights movement!

  RAY Because no one gives a shit what you say!

  DENNISON Yes, they do!

  RAY Why would anyone, in 2018, care about what an old racist has to say? You are IRRELEVANT.

  DENNISON Me?! NO! YOU ARE IRRELEVANT!

  RAY / Good luck! Look at you. Pathetic. You can’t even dance.

  DENNISON What’s … what’s this, then?

  DENNISON does some outdated dance move.

  RAY Pathetic!

  RAY does a dance move. RAY and DENNISON start a dance-off. Each one is more outdated and preposterous than the other. They both start to sweat and turn red.

  NARRATOR

  As Charlotte watched her father dance, she wondered if this is where he thought he would end up when he first read the words of Martin Luther King.

  Blackout.

  SCENE 7

  CHRISTMAS DAY

  The sun comes up through the room. FRANCIS plays his cello. CHARLOTTE comes out with a cup of coffee and watches him. The sun comes up, and as it does everyone sets up the Christmas lunch setting. It’s beautiful. Dishes of food lay spread, the food smells delicious and bottles of champagne are scattered about within easy reach of everyone. Everyone sits around the table. They are pulling on Christmas crackers. Some have already been opened, and some of them are wearing paper Christmas crowns. RAY and DENNISON are sulking. Everyone ignores them.

  ROSE Mum, where did you get these? It’s like trying to tear rubber.

  JOAN David Joneses.

  ROSE David Jones.

  JOAN David Joneses.

  CHARLOTTE David Jones.

  JOAN David Joneses.

  ROSE Mum, I can’t believe after all these years you still can’t say David Jones right.

  JOAN Well, you know what they say: you can take the girl out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the girl.

  ROSE You’re wearing Prada.

  JOAN Prada’s actually Aboriginal. It’s pronounced, “Praadaa”.

  MARIE Really? I thought it was Italian.

  JOAN Oh, no, it’s Italian.

  MARIE So Prada isn’t Aboriginal?

  CHARLOTTE It’s a joke we have.

  MARIE And the crackers, they’re not Prada?

  JOAN No, they’re from / David Joneses. ROSE/CHARLOTTE David Joneses.

  ROSE/CHARLOTTE Jinx!

  MARIE Oh! It’s actually pronounced David Jones. (pulling cracker) And wherever these are from, they are very good quality!

  MARIE’S arm flies back, nearly knocking whoever she’s sitting next to in the head.

  MARIE They are tough. Here, Dennison. You can wear the hat.

  MARIE tosses DENNISON the hat.

  ROSE What does the joke say?

  MARIE Why did the policeman smell bad?

  ROSE Why?

  MARIE He was on duty.

  ROSE I don’t get it. On duty? Duty … duty … duty? What kind of jokes are these? Charlotte?

  CHARLOTTE What’s Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

  ROSE What?

  CHARLOTTE Ba. Na-na-naaa. Ba-na. Na. Naa.

  ROSE What is that?

  CHARLOTTE Ba-na-na. Naa. I don’t / get

  ROSE / What are you even saying?

  CHARLOTTE I don’t get it. Francis?

  FRANCIS Oh, I got it. Ba-na-na-naaaaaa. As in, you know, “Ba-na-na-na. Ba-na-na-na. Ba-nana-na. Ba-na-na-na. Ba-na-na-na. Ba-na-na-na.”

  SONNY joins in.

  FRANCIS/SONNY Ba-na-na-naaaaaa! Ba-na-na-naaaaaa! Ba-na-na-na! Na! Naaaaaa!

  SONNY and FRANCIS high five.r />
  JOAN That’s the worse joke I’ve ever heard and I’m married to Ray.

  ROSE Yes, these jokes are terrible.

  MARIE I do have to say, this looks amazing. A feast, if you will. Wouldn’t you agree, Dennison?

  DENNISON Hmph.

  MARIE You are the full package, Joan. Smart, beautiful, caring, intelligent, a great chef, in great shape, funny, beautiful. Stunningly beautiful, really.

  MARIE reaches to touch JOAN’s face. DENNISON looks uncomfortable.

  MARIE How do you get your skin so smooth?

  DENNISON / Marie!

  JOAN / Let’s … uh … Let’s make a toast!

  MARIE Yes! Great idea. Dennison, pick up your glass!

  JOAN Raymond.

  RAYMOND and DENNISON resentfully pick up their glasses.

  JOAN As I look around this table I see the past and I see the future. I see four young people who are each changing the world around them in their own unique way: through the arts, law, sports, design, but all with passion and heart. Who have been fortunate to find each other and decided to embrace life and love.

  At this table there is also a multitude of histories but with that comes the potential for a clean slate.

  Conflict isn’t always a bad thing; we all have beliefs and reasons for why we believe them. With conflict there is hope for change and growth; in our beliefs and in ourselves.

  Nobody at this table is perfect. We all fight and argue. But, remember, it’s so much easier to judge those who are closest to us because we know that their love is unconditional. We have love at this table in all different ways and forms. And that is invaluable.

  Michelle Obama said, “You’re not supposed to do this perfectly. You don’t do life perfectly. No one does.”

  I say, what we can do perfectly is love each other’s imperfections. So here is to our imperfections, to not doing life perfectly and to love. To our first Christmas together and, most certainly, not our last.

  EVERYONE Cheers!

  They drink and start passing around food.

  NARRATOR

  Joan has written every speech that Ray ever spoke. No one knows this. Even Ray.

  He thinks it is something they do together.

  Joan always used to tell herself that Ray’s work was for the greater good. That her work was his work, and his was hers. That as partners in life, they shared everything. His success was her success. But after all these years, Joan has started to question that dynamic.

  The speech that went viral, the one for which Ray is being lauded around the nation, was Joan’s finest work.

  She wonders what would have happened if she had made that speech, if it was her in that video. If this Christmas it was her being talked about.

  Everyone is eating, drinking and chattering. SONNY places down his cutlery and clears his throat. He taps his champagne glass with his fork.

  SONNY I have an announcement.

  MARIE Ooh, an announcement!

  SONNY Christmas time is a time of gifts. It marks the birth of the world’s greatest gift. A son. So, in saying this, I would like to announce that Rose and I / are—

  JOAN Oh, my God! You’re having a baby?!

  ROSE What?

  CHARLOTTE You’re having a baby?!

  JOAN / You’re having a baby?!

  RAY You’re having a baby?!

  SONNY We’re having a baby?!

  ROSE I’m having a baby?!

  JOAN Sonny just said a gift /

  SONNY / No, I was talking about Jesus. The Lord’s son Jesus. He was our gift.

  DENNISON/RAY Here we go.

  SONNY As we sit here we are celebrating the birth of Jesus, whether we think we are or not. We are here for Jesus. God gave up his son Jesus to save us. Think about that. Now, as you already know, Rose and I are having our baptisms the first week after the New Year, and we would love to have your support and for you all to be there.

  RAY You’re getting baptised?

  ROSE You would have received your invites over email.

  RAY Why?

  ROSE Because it’s important to Sonn … It’s important to us, Dad.

  CHARLOTTE speaks quietly to ROSE.

  CHARLOTTE I didn’t think this was your / thing

  ROSE / Not now, Char.

  SONNY Dennison and Marie, we would love you to join us. But what I want you to all do, in the spirit of Christmas, is to close your eyes and let the Lord into your heart.

  FRANCIS Wow … thank you for including us in your journey, Sonny … it’s an honour . . .

  SONNY No. Thank YOU, Francis. Lord, I know it’s hard to take steps. Sometimes we need to look to someone else to give us that push, Lord. And sometimes, you just need to dive in head first. Which is why I would like to tell you, Lord, that I am taking a year off JP Morgan Chase. Come March, Rose and I will be taking a year off to travel as missionaries and / serve—

  ROSE Uh, what?

  SONNY —our mission. To serve the Lord.

  ROSE No, Sonny. Not this again. No.

  JOAN You’ve only just come back.

  RAY Great. We’ve got one daughter running around as a missionary and the other one moving to bloody New York /

  CHARLOTTE / Dad!

  JOAN Charlotte?!

  ROSE Mum!?

  RAY What?!

  DENNISON His family is just like his politics: bloody chaos.

  MARIE Dennison! Not now!

  ROSE Sonny, I never agreed to this.

  SONNY Rose, you agreed the day you let the Lord into your heart.

  ROSE / I’m not going anywhere. Sonny, we are not taking a year off. I have the Los Angeles store. You have a promotion coming up. No. Just … NO.

  SONNY There is more than life to money and careers, Rose.

  ROSE What about our plans for a family?

  SONNY When the time is right. But now, now is the time to serve our family in here. (taps his heart)

  DENNISON Doesn’t he mean up there?

  SONNY To serve the Lord.

  ROSE We are not going to be fucking missionaries! I could do the baptisms. I could do the prayers. For God’s sake, I could even do the speaking in tongues and exorcising the demons. But becoming missionaries? This phase is getting out of hand!

  SONNY This isn’t a phase!

  ROSE It is a phase!

  SONNY Rose, this is not a phase. It may be for you / but for me—

  ROSE Okay, Sonny, my darling, “phase” may not have been the best word. But we need to think about this. We can’t just pick up and go be missionaries.

  SONNY But the Lord spoke to me, Rose. He spoke to me.

  ROSE Can you all please excuse us? I think we need some air.

  ROSE drags SONNY out of the room.

  FRANCIS Well … that was intense.

  JOAN They’re going to be missionaries?! Can you believe that?

  RAY When the Lord speaks, the Lord speaks.

  JOAN The Lord? The boy clearly isn’t dealing with the death of his father. Rose told me it was hard, but she didn’t tell me it was this bad.

  CHARLOTTE I kind of get what Sonny is saying.

  FRANCIS What: about Jesus? You want us to convert?

  CHARLOTTE About doing something bigger with your life. Something better.

  FRANCIS For Jesus?

  JOAN He’s grieving and … looking for something … I don’t know.

  RAY He’s not taking my daughter around the bloody world as a missionary. I don’t care what’s going on with him and I don’t care if they want to do something bigger or better.

  CHARLOTTE Because you know all about saving the world, Dad, and making it a better place.

  DENNISON Well, he thinks he does.

  MARIE For God’s sake, Dennison, not now.

  CHARLOTTE For himself, maybe.

  RAY What is your problem, Charlotte?

  CHARLOTTE We all have everything. Everything on the backs of others. When do we have to give back a little? Maybe that’s what Sonny is saying.


  FRANCIS That’s very erudite, darling, but I think Sonny was talking very much about Jesus.

  CHARLOTTE I don’t know. Sonny works for JP Morgan Chase, for God’s sake, maybe he just wants to try and make things right.

  MARIE When have JP Morgan Chase ever hurt anyone?

  JOAN laughs.

  MARIE What? Why are you laughing?

  JOAN That’s a joke, right?

  RAY Charlotte, we do not have everything on the “backs of other people”.

  CHARLOTTE You are so out of touch. It’s ridiculous.

  RAY What is going on, Char?

  CHARLOTTE Look around, Dad!

  RAY I’m looking, and what?

  CHARLOTTE Look at everything we have!

  RAY What I see are the fruits of hard work.

  CHARLOTTE Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.

  RAY I don’t know what you’re talking about.

  CHARLOTTE What about the law you made, that I used to win? It was meant to help others and did the complete opposite!

  RAY What others?

  CHARLOTTE Stop being wilfully ignorant. The community. The Aboriginal community. How does this, all of this – everything we have – help them?

  RAY This? This has nothing to do with them or those laws or helping … them.

  CHARLOTTE This has everything to do with the / community—

  RAY / Don’t you dare judge my commitment to the community, Charlotte. When you say that you

  are not just judging me but where I come from. Where you come from.

  CHARLOTTE Questioning and judging are different things.

  RAY What happens under my roof is my business.

  CHARLOTTE Oh, yes, your roof. Your huge property. Your Porsche and your Range Rover and your Mercedes. Your expensive suits and your speeches and your stupid VR headset. Look at you! You’ve benefited pretty well from a community that has nothing to do with what goes on under your roof.

  RAY Charlotte! How dare you talk to / me—

  CHARLOTTE / You have so much.

  RAY Well, I would say the same about you, Charlotte

  CHARLOTTE Exactly. And that’s why I don’t want to take that stupid TV job. Because I don’t want to do what you’ve done.

  RAY What: you don’t want a successful career!?

  CHARLOTTE I’d rather have nothing than have everything if it costs other people. Because that’s what you did … we did.